You may have wondered, my loyal few, where I have been these many weeks. Fear not! I am so dedicated to the Cause that, all enraptured, I became lost in my research. In reading many of your fantastically useful scholarly harlequin novels I remembered one sure-fire way to ensure the Fated Union in Holy Matrimony of our two Lovers.

With some coaching on my part, and vigourous exercise in combination with new dietary additives on the part of Young Warlock, he will become the most Fruitfully Fertile maiden in all Albion.

Overwhelmed by the sheer Aura of Suitability, Young Pendragon will be helpless but to take him first to the altar and then to bed, and even Damned Uther will be unable to object as a fertile bride is of primary concern to a monarch.

( Of course, Young Warlock is operating under the impression these Fertility Exercises are to strengthen his combat ability )

Tags: aphrodisiacs, damn uther, destiny, maidenhead, recipes, unicorns, young pendragon, young warlock

When last I posted here I enumerated the key elements required of a future Queen/Warlock, one of which is of course the continued maintenance of Merlin's unblemished skin. As the summer months approach I fear my protégé will not take proper care of his ivory-pale wrapping and may, indeed, tarnish himself with unsightly peeling from sunburn.

( It is of great importance, you understand, that Merlin protect his pale skin but also enhance his feminine appeal.  )

Tags: aphrodisiacs, craft projects, destiny, knitting, livejournal, macros, young pendragon, young warlock

You know, gentle readers, that my Stories of MAGIC AND LOVE series is both Grand and Purposeful, so I am sure you will understand the delay in the release of Volume 2: Your Golden Prince, a Tale of Magic and Love. Due to recent setbacks in my Masterful Campaign to unite our two Destined Lovers in the sweetest of all Unions I decided to put this brief epic (a mere 784 pages) through further and more rigourous editing.

I cannot trust the sensibilities of any mere mortal to this task, I'm sure you understand. My understated and exceptional oeuvre must be hand-tailored to suit the educational needs of Young Warlock while simultaneously tugging at the tender stirring of his loins. Likewise, since Pendragon the Younger was blessed with a brief brush with my monumental manuscript I must take him into account as well. Clearly this book must assure his Merlin that he will be a gentle lover while also showing Arthur that Merlin is both limber and fertile.

Through extended research I have come to discover the key elements required of a future Queen:

( They are surprisingly simple. )

Tags: aphrodisiacs, craft projects, destiny, macros, maidenhead, young pendragon, young warlock
Current Mood: Triumphant

Friends, I am sure you are aware of my on-going arguments with Anhora, that poncy old man of the forest who fancies himself my Rival. He is wrong, of course, but there is little even one of my Superior Intellect can do to impart Wisdom through his heavy-set skull bones.

The self-proclaimed "Keeper of the Unicorns" has started up a Twitter at anhora_feed ( here ) in response to my poignant letters to you future dwellers. To trump his feeble attempts at wit I have responded with my own "Twitter" feed (reminding me of delicious plump pigeons roasted in their own juices and basted....) at slashdragonfeed ( here ).

Of course you are already aware that my wit is infinitely superior, but I won't object if you find yourself unable to follow his comments and instead become enraptured by my glorious, poetic brief posts.

Tags: unicorns, useless anhora

My fellow Believers,

As you have no doubt guessed the Young Warlock receives the first edition of every finished Wonder I produce on the written page, anonymously. I have found that due to the grievous LIES certain parties spread about while his Young Pendragon was dying, Young Merlin has developed a slight mistrust of my motivations.

While it is clear that such Triumphs of Language as Ravished Destiny: A Tale of Magic and Love and Your Golden Prince: A Tale of Magic and Love could only be brought to fruition by a Timeless Wonder (Me), I can always count on Merlin to miss the obvious completely. Therefore I made arrangements for the first and second books to come into his possession without reference to me, and this is also why it may be difficult to tell from the covers that I, Talented and Exceptional as I am, wrote these glimpses into the spirit of Fated Destiny.

( Most recently I believe my hard work and faultless subterfuge have paid off.  )

Tags: aphrodisiacs, arthur's bad plans, craft projects, damn uther, destiny, fail, foolish humans!, livejournal, maidenhead, they don't know what a gift i am, young pendragon, young warlock

Avid readers of my new epic Nearly Non-Fiction Romance series,

( Your meagre contributions are appreciated. )

Tags: aphrodisiacs, craft projects, destiny, fail, foolish humans!, they don't know what a gift i am, unicorns
Current Location: desktop publishing corner of the cave (a bit drafty, really)
Current Mood: furious

Loyal supporters,

With the enlisted aid of my legal counsel I am free once more to regale you with my latest attack of brilliance. In the time I was unfairly silenced by certain forces I discovered something quite startling: You, my fellow followers of Epic Destined Romance, have been supporting me in your own (less Magical but no less virtuous) attempts to educate our Young Warlock and his Beloved for the sake of All Time.

( By this I mean that I have discovered what you future-dwellers refer to as  )

Tags: aphrodisiacs, craft projects, destiny, livejournal, macros, maidenhead, unicorns, young pendragon, young warlock
Current Location: Writing Corner
Current Mood: Rightfully accomplished and overwhelmingly talented

Friends and Supporters of S. Dragon:

It is with great relief and satisfaction we inform you that the scurrilous suit brought against our client, Mister S. Dragon, has been settled to his satisfaction, and he can once more lead the fight for your noble cause.

For those of you unaware, the British Broadcast Corporation and Shine Limited cast slanderous accusations upon our client, Mr. Dragon, regarding his motivations for encouraging Young Warlock Merlin Emrys (henceforth known as Young Warlock) and The Once and Future King (henceforth known as the Young Warlock's Young Pendragon). Mr. Dragon filed an informal complaint with the company and then was subsequently attacked by a series of legal injunctions directed at his noble cause.

The BBC, Shine, and Mr. Dragon have recently reached an agreeable settlement outside of court, and in exchange for their grievous misrepresentations during the final chapter of their first series (see: "Le Morte d'Arthur"), Mr. Dragon has also negotiated a co-executive producer credit with the series, and will exert some creative control going forward.

Sincerely,

Tags: damn uther, destiny, fail, foolish humans!, they don't know what a gift i am

Many of my Loyal Supporters wondered, some time back, whether our Young Merlin would be able to fully Comprehend the Beauty, Majesty, and Sheer Elegance that was the floral bouquet I would be sending him on Arthur's Behalf. A fair question, considering the hollow state of the Warlock's head, apparently.

You doubts were unnecessary. Have faith in my abilities in this regard! As you may have gleaned from my previous missive, I am in the process of penning a series of Educational Materials for our Merlin. The final result will be a Library that Kings could only dream of. Except our Arthur, who will one day lay claim to it as he lays claim to the ivory and satin skin of his Fated Lover in a myriad of truly Wondrous Ways.

But I digress. Hurry onward, patient devotees, to my first edition of ( A Young Warlock's Guide to the Tender Language of Flora )

I realize the paper and binding are somewhat worn, but I have been preserving these materials for some centuries with this exact moment in mind.

ADDENDUM: Many of you have expressed an interest in what knitwear I have made for myself. As it happens, I do have a small portrait of myself with the Young Warlock, though for some reason he is not wearing one of my Creations in it. Behold my charming pink knit cape.

Tags: aphrodisiacs, craft projects, destiny, maidenhead, recipes, young pendragon, young warlock
Current Location: Lounging in the one warm spot, North West corner
Current Mood: accomplished

In light of recent setbacks, I retreated to my Thinking Boulder and had a good long sulk before doing a series of zen breathing exercises I learned from a panda once long ago (before I roasted and ate him) and Happened upon a GLORIOUS and BREATHTAKING marvel of an idea -- perhaps Young Warlock merely does not know what to do with his prince!

Naturally, I could not let this stand, and have devised a Lesson Plan for our Merlin, utilizing something the griffon told me is called, "Power Point" -- feast your eyes, gentle reader!


[PPT | HTML]

Feel free to download a copy of this Lesson Plan for yourself -- of course, I warn you will not want any nuns or priests or Uther or Gaius, that stick in the mud, peering over your shoulder as you Bask in its Brilliance and allow it to Lead You Into the Light of Destiny.

Tags: craft projects, damn uther, destiny, young pendragon, young warlock
Current Location: cave, curled up in my new knitted pink shawl!
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: something called "fall out boy." I will never understand the griffon.